It's hard to become "American" again. This has been the constant daily revelation since my return on December 21. I have been back in the States for over a month now, and the shock of returning has slowly subsided as I weave my inherited culture back into my life.
The mindset and attitude, the language, the personal space, the security, the "tidiness," the styles of dress, posture and poise, even the way people eat, are all characteristics I am all of a suddenly observantly, and unaviodably aware of. I am truly culture shocked by the place I have lived my whole life. My first experiences coming back were located in airports, prime locations to really witness the true nature of people in social cotext as they deal with stress in a public setting. Seeing people ran past and into eachother, ignoring the masses of other people around, demonstrated the lack of concern in their attitude for most people outside of themselves. Nobody was making eye contact, smiling, laughing, kissing cheeks, nobody even touching others to let them know they were moving past them. Just pushes and shoves. I was no longer hearing the fast spitted instructions in Spanish from flight attendants, or the amorous poetic words of love "en espanol." Instead American accents, the invasion of "like" in every other breath, rude comments and swear words filling vocabulary. On top it all, it was Christmas time, the most stressful and, ironically, negative time of year in the United States. I sensed the pressure everyone was feeling as couples and families faught rather than show the open affection that I became so adjusted to. Everyone seemed miserable and airline employees impatient and rude. Suddenly, airport employees were yelling at me for their mistakes, instead of being nice and talking to me like a human being. I was back in the corporate America game, where I did not matter to huge companies. Only my money did. I got more respect off of the starving homeless and pan handlers in Peru. Of all the overcrowded and disorder of South American contexts that I had experienced, this seemed the most chaotic and absurd.
After a long 8 hour flight and 3 hour train ride, I finally arrived in San Diego in the afternoon of Sunday the 21st. Jessica, a good friend, picked me up and we drove through downtown San Diego. Right away it was so shocking to see the tidiness and order of the city. Essentially no litter, polished modern architecture, people obeying traffic laws, shiny new and oversized cars, no starving children or families on the street; everything was the exact opposite of what I was just surrounded by for the previous four months. The air was also clean and pure, zero humidity, and clear, sunny skies with warm temperatures. My home for four years felt like a completely different world!
I eventually made it home to Cleveland, Ohio. Yes, I still call it home as I can undoubtedly feel at home there. My trip taught me two important lesson: love life and love your family. This past time going back to my family was probably the best return I have had since I moved to California. After staying with so many latino families in my travels, I finally learned that, as completely different as they are, my familiy operated similarly to the passion and loyalty that is very evident in most latino families. It was great to finally celebrate my own traditions and feel normal with my own people. This is where I'm from; it has undeniably humbled me and made me the person I am today. I appreciate and love it.
But, I still yearn for my travels all the time. I went back to San Diego to see the life I had missed so much and regretted giving up, and aside from very good friends, beautiful weather and the amazing restaurant I worked at, I realized I was done with Ocean Beach (for now, until I decide to become a lifetime surfer). Now, after driving a Penske semi up to Berkeley with all my shit, I am starting a new adventure through school at UC Berkeley and living in the major metropolis of the Bay Area. But all I can think about is salsa in Buenos Aires at Azucar, CitiBank still corrupting the Argentine economy, daily spanish lessons at 8am on 3 hours of sleep, rafting through rough waters and riding bikes on a wine buzz in Mendoza, those 20+ hour bus rides, drinking shots of Cachaca and caipirinhas on the streets of Rio at night and moving my hips harder than I ever have to the rhythmic bumps of Samba while Christ the Redeemer watches over, standing under a natural waterfall in a tropical forest outside of Rio, encountering wild oxen in the brush of the island of Florianopolis, debating complex issues like "globalization" and its effects on Natives People, along with love, human rights and religion all in spanish while roaming the streets and beaches of the crumbling city of Montevideo, winding up lost in the middle of Brazil with crowds of eyes fixed on my every move, walking with Angel through the crowded Plaza de Armas in Lima, Peru and into a dark and silent church filled with human skeletons in the foundation, escaping the buzz and contamination of the city for the untouched Colca Canyon to watch the majestic and respected Condor fly over head, having a 3 hour in depth conversation in spanish about life and the such with a girl from Spain, and of course, hiking a long and well deserved three day excursion through jungle terrain with snakes, wild orchids and fresh mangos, to the sunrise kissing the forehead of Mach Picchu. All I want is to go back. But, instead, I will continue to contain the wide-eyed curiousity and passion for newness and express it in my daily life, as their is so much to learn and view even within our own culture.
I am now at U.C.B., fulfilling the dream that I longed for before and even during my trip. I am ready for this challenge and looking forward to paving the path for wherever I am headed next! I hope to return to Peru specifically. I know I am not done there yet. . .
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